Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Peeping Toms

I opened the French doors that lead to our small balcony and motioned for my friend Sava to follow as I stepped into the fresh evening air. She placed her glass of sparkling white wine on the iron bistro table, pulled out a pack of 20 Marlboro and lit up. I put my glass next to hers and folded my arms across my chest in the hope of keeping warm.

I'd invited Sava and her husband over for a dinner party and while the men were inside having their beer and trying to fix a broken laptop, I'd accompanied my new Iranian friend outside while she had a smoke. We were mid- girly conversation when Sava gasped and pointed her finger at the apartments across the road.

"Oh my God, look!" She cried loudly, forgetting we were outside and could be heard by neighbours.

I followed her outstretched finger and my jaw dropped open. In the well-lit window of the top apartment directly across from our balcony was a very naked man, walking around his living room, a phone attached to his ear. Sava and I exchanged disbelieving looks before we both burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"Is he for real?!" Sava asked when we had regained our composure again. "Am I dreaming?"

Peeping from behind my hands which were covering my face as a reaction to the shock, I stole another glance at the man. There he was, this normal looking man in his 40's, slightly overweight and balding, walking around in his living room in front of the window with the light on, talking on his phone. Except he was fully naked. His private parts were so obvious that they may as well have had big freaking bells on them. He was just letting it all hang loose, for anyone to see. Walking around, dangling to and fro. Just chillin', hangin' out, havin' a Bud. Literally.

"Well let's see," I said, taking a sip from my glass of wine. "Is that the kind of man you normally see in your dreams?"

We looked towards the window again where we saw the man bend right over and pick up a towel from the floor, wrapping it around his waist where it should have been all along. The towel appeared to be pink.and.flowery.

Sava's eyes opened wide and she shook her head. "No," she said firmly. "Definitley not."

When we went back inside and excitedly told the men what we had seen, neither of them believed us. They rolled their eyes and looked at us disdainfully, as though we were children telling tall tales and after an evening of intermittent "No, seriously, it's true"s and "yeah, riiiight" we never convinced them we were actually telling the truth.

Until this evening, when - after peeking through the curtains for the past few evenings, just in case - Naked Man was back in his full glory, swinging this way, that way, forwards and backwards and I finally managed to prove to FP that it wasn't just our 'tipsy' imaginations playing tricks on us.

Oh how sweet it is to be proven right!


T.D. Newton said...

This reminds me of the entire show Friends, where there is a character called "Naked Guy" referred to as the dude in an apartment across the street who always walks around naked.

I live on the 4th floor, so I don't care as much anymore what I walk around in. However, if your windows are visible from the street, please cover up and spare the rest of us the trauma.

Funny story, though. And interesting narrative voice. Always love your stories.

Word verif: "somist"
Sounds like a person who is violently opposed to certain things.

Paula said...

The previous comment summed up exactly what I wanted to say in the first sentence. You have your very own ugly naked guy, lol!

Belle Ecrivaine said...

You should paint a sign and hang it in your window. "Je peux vous voir quand vous êtes nue devant la fenêtre!" Even if all your other neighbours see it, they'll all think twice before strutting naked in front of their window!

Loth said...

Make yourself some big cardboard score cards and start giving him marks out of ten.

T.D. Newton said...


Princesse Ecossaise said...

TD Yes!! Goodness gracious, I'd forgotten about Ugly Naked Guy! Seriously, I feel so great that we have our very own Ugly Naked Guy!! We live on the third floor, you wouldn't think anyone would see much but the windows are all full length and looking out onto a main road so ugly naked guy is an eejit if he thinks no one can see him when he's in the nude. Unless...unless he knows it and doesn't care...maybe I'm living across the road from a big old perv! Bloody hell!

Paula lol Ugly Naked Guy is alive and well!

Belle Ecrivaine Hahaha that's such a good idea! I can promise you that a sign just like that will go up if we have any more sightings of him and his todger.

Loth Again, an extremely good idea. It would be good to see his face fall when he realised that the 2/10 was for his naked appearances!

Micah D.L. said...

Ugly Naked Guys keep things interesting. I immediately thought of Friends when I read this (it's my favorite show after all...i can find comparisons anywhere haha!)...but i especially like the score card suggestion. totally do it.

but i think you should have a video camera on you and your friend so that we can hear your commentary...

Charisse said...

That is so funny because i was taking the RER C earlier this week into Paris and I look up at the top of a tower-thingy, I'm not sure what it was exactly, and sitting there was a fully naked guy. Just relaxing and hanging out. And I'm thinking, wtf? It's 8am why... wha?

It makes for great, great stories.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Micah I'm off to find the video camera!

Charisse NO WAY!!! Well isn't that something? Is it something in the Parisian water do you think? It's just so WRONG!!!!

Zhu said...

For some reason, naked guys are never the ones we want to see naked. Or that at least, we wouldn´t mind to happen to see naked...

Just a though. A story actually, but...

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Interesting Zhu...I'm intrigued! But yes, it's so true. The naked people are never the people we particularly want to see naked. One of life's cruel jokes.