For the life of me, I can't quite make up my mind on whether I'd rather be in a boring old office job right now, or sitting on my sofa with a laptop warming my knees, searching for a boring old office job. Unfortunately, I don't have the choice, because currently I am an unemployed bum and therefore searching for said office job is the only choice left to me if I don't want to become homeless.
Looking for work is really something I dream of while I'm stuck in a job - the opportunity to get myself onto a career path in teaching English or in the tourism / fashion / publishing industries puts me in a rather excited state - but as soon as I'm unemployed and the searching becomes a reality, I would rather dig my eyes out with rusty old forceps. You see, the only employers that seem to be accepting people like me with less than a year's experience are those offering - surprise, surprise - boring old office jobs.
"Promote yourself," it says on every single one of these websites. "Sell yourself. Give us ten words to convince us why WE should hire YOU!" Now really, what is that all about? Now you're giving me a limited amount of words to replace my CV? Ten words? Who can sum themselves up and promote themselves in ten tiny words? "You need me to work for you because I am..." I type, and then I hear the slightly annoying 'bing' noise to tell me my ten words of self promotion are all used up. I erase and retype; "This is daft." There we go, summed it up perfectly and with 6 words to spare.
It's not just the searching for jobs that gets my billygoat. Afterwards, once I've finally applied for a boring old office job, I face the terrifying wait for The Call Back. It was never as bad when I was going through this living in Scotland because any phonecalls I received asking me to come in for an interview were in English. I knew what I was saying. But since I spent two weeks back home over the holidays speaking only English, I am now suffering from a loss of French vocabulary and frankly, for the most part, I don't have a scooby what I'm saying anymore. Which means that I spend an awfully long time staring at the phone in horror when it rings, debating over whether to let the machine pick it up if the screen reads a suspiciously unknown number. For those who are curious, I mostly do send it to voicemail, which is silly, silly, silly, because then I have to go through the whole terrifying ordeal of then ringing the person back and sometimes I don't even get the person who phoned me in the first place and I have to introduce myself to the new person who has answered the phone and try to find the words to explain that I am returning a phonecall and can I discuss it with them or should I leave a message. And then of course the original person calls me back, but what do I do? I let it go to voicemail and the whole bloody thing starts again.
If you think that's bad though, you probably won't want to know what I'm like when I go to interviews. So I won't tell you. But all I will say is this; every question you are asked in an interview is there to trip you up. Employers and recruters - no matter how nice they come across - are all trying to trick you. Everything that you say can and will be used against you at a later date. In fact, I once read that recruters are working for the government, really. That they have a tiny radio piece in their ear and built into their sleeve is a microphone, (which is why you never see a recruter wearing sleeveless clothes during the interviewing process.) recording everything you are saying, just so that the government can get even more personal information about you, which they can then send off to Tesco's headquarters who will use that information in their evil but quite-sucessful-so-far plan to take over the entire world. I can't remember where I read that though.
Anyway, sorry, I think I went off on a strange tangent there. What was I saying? Ah yes, it's true what they say; looking for employment really is a full-time job. Today I have spent 6 hours sending my CV off to thousands of different employment websites. 6 hours! The only thing that keeps me going is telling myself that after an hour I can spend ten minutes looking at wedding websites. Or cat websites. Or blogs.
I can't believe what a sad gobshite I just sounded like in that last sentence! Eugh!
Well, enough blether about jobs and whatnot, I am an unemployed person. I need to go and watch tv.