Monday, April 14, 2008

A Slip of the Tongue


“Just a blow dry and a trim today then, toots?” Shanna, my hairdresser, asked me as she rubbed my damp hair with a towel.

I nodded, “yeah, just take away any stray ends, cheers.” I looked at my reflection in the mirrored wall in front of me and felt myself relax. A girl deserves a pamper every now and again, and where better to go than the hairdressers, where stylists can touch up your roots at the same time as letting you in on any gossip that may have passed over your head. I doubt I'll be lucky enough to find a good stylist in Versailles who
a) can fill me in on the latest scandal in the village
or
b) loves Coronation Street as much as I do
(although I haven't given up hope just yet) and so this is why I found myself in the hairdressers today, despite having had my hair done not so long ago - as the French say, je profite.

As Shanna blasted my hair with the dryer I flicked through Vogue, sighing over the haute couture fashion that I will never be able to afford. The ding-a-ling-a-ling of the little bell above the door alerted us to the fact that an elderly lady – a regular client – had appeared for her weekly appointment. I smiled hello, making eye contact with her in the mirror’s reflection.

She was a strange mixture of old and young; an intriguing melange of classic and modern portrayed by her clothes. A silk, cream blouse had been teamed up with a full length denim skirt with embroidery that skimmed the tip-toes of her pointy, patent boots. Her pure white hair was scraped back tightly, giving her an instant face-lift, and was twisted on the very top of her head into a bun. She moved across the room in slow, awkward movements, hunched over a walking stick, a gnarled hand grasping onto the handle.

Shanna interrupted my observations as she shouted loudly over the noise of the hair dryer, “hiya Mrs M, how are you doing? Why dontcha sit yourself down and Tania will be out in a minute.”

Mrs M. cupped a hand around her ear and shouted piercingly, “WHAT’S THAT, DEAR?”

Shanna turned off the hair dryer momentarily and said “TAKE. A. SEAT.” pronouncing each syllable loudly and clearly. The old lady nodded politely as she sat down, slowly and awkwardly, in the chair next to mine, struggling to find a suitable place to prop her walking stick.

“Hello Mrs M. How are you doing this week?” Tania, the owner, bounded out of the back room of the salon where she had been eating her lunch. She had crumbs on her t-shirt.

Mrs M. turned to look at her, before adjusting her hearing aid. “WHAT?”

“I.SAID.HELLO.MRS.M.”

“Oh hello, dear,” Mrs M. replied. “There’s no need to shout.”

Shanna and I exchanged furtive smiles as Tania brushed away the crumbs on her bosom and grinned at her client’s reflection. “So, what can we do for you today? Just the usual, is it?”

The elderly woman nodded, the bun on the top of her head bouncing slightly. “Yes, just the usual, a wash and a … a …”

“A blow dry?” suggested Tania.

“Yes, a blow job.”

The little old lady’s face was poker straight as she met the horrified gaze of Tania in the mirror.

“A wash and a blow job would be lovely, dear.”

It gives an entirely new meaning to the phrase; a slip of the tongue.

13 comments:

Daddy Papersurfer said...

I'm saying nothing ....... no really, I'm not

T.D. Newton said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
T.D. Newton said...

That's hilarious. Oh, the stuff you girls say/hear at the beauty parlor...

That's one of those "overheard" type of quotes.
http://www.overheardeverywhere.com

(sorry I had to delete my first one, I had put the wrong URL)

Leah said...

Are you sure the sister wasn't a mister? Kidding...people say the darndest things!

Jane said...

Tee hee, poor Tania! How on earth would you keep a straight face after hearing that?

When I get old(er) I'm going to make it my mission to do something like that deliberately every day! And I'll have a pair of those really dark glasses that some old folks have, but it won't be cos of my eyesight (hopefully) - it'll be to hide the mischief in my eyes!

Something tells me you'd willingly be in the hairdressers chair next to me too!!
Jx

Princesse Ecossaise said...

DP teehee oh deary me, perhaps I should have had some sort of EXPLICIT stamp on this post!

TD wow I've never seen that website before but it's hilarious! I should add this one to that site. Also, when you said 'beauty parlor' it made me laugh. It's so American! Beauty parlor to me conjurs up images of a posh swanky beauticians salon where people like Paris Hilton go. My hairdressers is FAR from that!

Leah Haha well you never know these days do ya!

Jane aha! You know me very well...that is the sort of person I hope to be one day too. Can you just imagine us getting a blue rinse and a perm, talking about blow jobs? Class!

Bonnie said...

Classic! Too funny, I'd have been rolling on the floor pissin myself laughing, but that just how immature i am!

Loth said...

Thanks for that - a laugh in the morning is just what I needed. Reminds me of the time that the valuer in my firm's property department (ie estate agent) was heard on the phone telling a client not to worry, she would come round and trim her bush for her. I wasn't aware that was a service we offered, but hey, if it keeps the clients happy.......

T.D. Newton said...

"Beauty Parlor" conjures up images of beehived ladies reading old school Cosmo and complaining about how lazy their husbands are.... but I think in Europa the word "salon" can mean a few different things so I chose the more conventional term. Of course, I've never BEEN to Europa, so I don't really know what means what there, though I am still getting quite an education from you!

ÅnGe|e said...

omg :o And the poor lady didn't even realize her slip of the tongue? :P

Stratford Girl said...

This is a really funny post ... I always very carefully articulate "blow dry" in the hairdressers as I am always worried about doing what that lady did... it's almost become a phobia with me now in fact!!

Poor woman ... and she didn't even realise what she had said
xx

Zhu said...

So, did the guy get it? The blow dry, of course! :D

Posh Princesse, having your hair done in Versailles... tu profites, en effet :D

Don't mind me, I'm just jealous cause Ottawa doesn't have any fancy place, much less Vogue -- be happy if you can find a copy of People here!

doow said...

Maybe her eyesight's failing her too and she'd walked into a different building from the one she was aiming for? ;-)