Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Contaminated

Last night something awful happened. But before I continue I suppose I should warn you not to read on if you have a sensitive stomach or are eating while reading because this involves bodily fluids.

The incident took place in the writing class I attend every Tuesday evening. There are only 8 students in the class and the room was silent, apart from the scratching of pens as we scrawled down a page or two of prose.

And then the woman sitting diagonally across from me sneezed, making some of us, who had been immersed in our own little worlds, jump. “Bless you,” someone muttered and everyone continued on in silence, etching away with their pens, scoring out mistakes and rustling sheets of paper.

But I had stopped writing. I was staring at my right hand in utter disgust. There, resting on my skin was a big wet bobble of snot.

OMG. WTF! Yes! I had someone else’s snot on my hand!

I’d seen the green goo fly from the woman as she sneezed. It scattered the table and sat on my hand, like an offensive pearly bug that landed there knowing fine well it wasn’t welcome.

What the hell was I to do? My facial expression turned into a gurn as I stared at the vulgar bodily fluid that wasn’t my own. It shone in the light, winking at me evilly.

My cheeks burned as if they were on fire with the humiliation. Had someone else noticed? Were they sitting watching me, to see how I would react? I couldn’t look up, didn’t dare meet anyone’s gaze. Oh the shame!

I waited, pretending to write. Soon enough, I told myself, we’ll finish the writing exercise and my movement won’t draw attention. I waited a whole three minutes with someone else’s bogeys on my hand. The more I looked at it the more it seemed as if the thing was growing, dwarfing my hand beneath it. My skin felt infected. I took deep breaths, hoping that the bile that had risen in my throat would disappear.

In the end I couldn’t stand it for a moment longer and raked my bag frantically to find tissues. I came out with a stray, crumpled Kleenex from the bottom of my bag with a glob of chewing gum in it that had solidified and was now rock solid. I wiped the tissue across my hand frenetically, saying goodbye to the offensive gob of snot that didn't belong to me.

The thought of that incident still turns my stomach; as I was writing this I had to swallow back a mouthful of sick. And I think I may have turned a tad obsessive compulsive as I run off to scrub my hands every time it enters my mind (which is surprisingly often. Tell your mind not to think about something and all it does is think about it).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must run away to the bathroom to scrub those hands.

11 comments:

Ghosty said...

Ha .. haha ... BWAHAHA! THREE MINUTES?! HAHAHAHAHA! *wipes tears from eyes* ... omg, I couldn't have done that! I'd have horked on the spot! HAHAHA!

Lesley said...

Scunnered is the word!

Heather said...

This is why I love you -- you're so damn funny!! And candid. I read this on my BlackBerry and almost spit out my coffee.

By the way, thanks soooo much for the sweet comments you left on my post about Sjogren's. I've actually thought of you quite often when I try and remind myself that there are others dealing with chronic health issues and that I'm not alone. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Aw my Gaaaawd! I'm sorry Princess but that is hilarious! Hilarious! I would have barfed right there and then too ewwww you poor little thing!

teeheeheehee

p.s. what is scunnered?

Jo

ColbyPants said...

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew


BOOGERS!

Zhu said...

That was gross! Yet I'm laughing... sorry, must be my dark side :D

I'm gonna develop of phobia of sick people now!

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Ha! It's really comforting to me that you all laugh at my misfortune! I'm glad you all found it amusing...although I was hoping for a little bit more sympathy!!

Ghosty I know!! Three minutes was bad, looking bad I don't know why I waited, I think I just froze! Had no idea what the feck to do! And hork is a HIDEOUS word!!!!!!!!

Lesley the word 'scunnered' was certainly made for moments like these!

Heather ma cherie thanks for the love and hugs!! I'm glad I got a wee smile from ya! Hope you're doing well and feeling alright despite recent events. And don't you forget your defo never alone! I shall be checking in on your bloggie wog often to make sure your ok. Keep smilin'! x

Jo finally! Some sympathy! Thank you! Yes, poor me, it was rather boke inducing :-(

Scunnered is a Scottish word to say 'pissed off' or, more politely, 'disgruntled'

Tom you poo heed! It could have happened to YOU too! It could have happened to anybody! I guess she just aimed for me... *sob*

Zhu lol yes!! Avoid sick, coughing / sneezing people like the plague! No matter how far they appear to be from you because this chick was certainly not sitting close to me. It was a projectile sneeze!

Ewwww I feel ill...

Zannie said...

You poor sausage! It did make me giggle a little though when I got that massive text in capital letters through just after the event! People should use hankies, or at the very worst, their OWN hand, when they sneeze! Can't wait to see you pumpkin. x

Princesse Ecossaise said...

haha I re-read my crazed text the other day and even I laughed a wee bit at the capital letters screaming; OMG A WOMAN SNEEZED AND HER SNOT LANDED ON MY HAND!!!!!

Eugh man I honestly do feel quite sick just thinking about it.

Can't wait to see you either my lovely little flower pot! x

- MISSJANET* said...

even though that was the nastiest thing ive ever read that had happened with snot, i feel bad. but honestly, i started cracking up when you said " OMG. WTF! YES! I had someone else's snot on mny hand! " HAHAHA ohgeeez. i think if that happened to ME, i would go crazy and just start screaming, EWW !!! WTF !

bytheway;if you dont mind i added you on my enjoyable blogs(: takecare

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Hey Missjanet! Glad this horrible, minging story gave you a smile - I promise you, if it hadn't happened to me I would be laughing my ass off but I'm not quite there yet!!
And thanks for adding me on your enjoyable blog list, yay!