Saturday, November 24, 2007

Thank You

I began to reply to comments left on my last post, but realised that what I wanted to say is rather long and so it's definitely worthy of it's own post.

Firstly I want to say thank you to everyone for the comments, the kind words of support, love, advice and prayers (and to those who don't pray, your best wishes were just as appreciated). Not only to those who gave me their thoughts on yesterday's ramblings but those of you who have ever come to this blog and left your penny's worth when I've been upset or a little lost in life. Isn't it funny how people you have never ever met face to face can all of a sudden become your closest confidants? Sure, I write things here that I would never dare share with some of my closest friends and family. Writing under the nom de plume of Princesse Ecossaise has provided me with a certain amount of anonymity on the net, which in turn gives me the courage to reveal my deepest feelings about the difficulties in my life. The blog was never intended to be an outlet for these feelings, in fact when I first started writing La Belle Saison I tried my utmost to avoid speaking about my unfortunate health problems. I wanted my alter ego Princesse Ecossaise to portray only the happy side of me. I wanted my online personality to be who I wished I were in real life; normal. I didn't want any readers to know about my weakness, the fact that I wasn't normal, the fact that my body betrayed me and that my entire life had begun to revolve around hospitals and medicines and new treatments.

But I'm glad I talk about it now. I'm glad that no matter how low I am feeling, however upset I am, however close to ending it all I feel, there is always someone out there - even a total stranger - who understands in one way or another. Who would have thought that such a simple concept as a blog could be such a therapeutic outlet? Or that such support could come from people you don't know in real life...

The last post made my best friend cry. And that made me cry! There was snot and tears everywhere and my face was hideously blotchy - I looked like a clumsy bee-keeper!

I mentioned FP and my parents, how they support me and are forever there for me, but what I didn't mention is that I also have a few friends and a big brother who would do - and have done - anything to help me out in times of need, and Zannie in particular has always been there for me, always. I feel pretty damn selfish for having written about such strong and upsetting feelings when I know that people who love and need me are going to be reading it. I'm sorry Zannie, I don't want to make you cry, you've been the bestest best friend anyone could ever ask for and I love you.

You know what never fails to amaze me about mankind? Our ability to empathise with one another, with perfect strangers as much as friends and loved ones. Sometimes something will happen that will restore my faith in humankind, I'll read a story about someone putting their own life at risk to save someone else, a friend will go out of their way to help me out, or kind words of support emanate from people who just seem to understand. And that's what it is that helps me move on from a particularly rough time.

We all have our demons. Some of us choose to talk about it, and others prefer to keep it inside. But we all have problems; problems which are just as big and as bad as the person's next to us. And when you have your own troubles and still manage to give support, sympathy and advice to a girl who is feeling a tad wobbly, I'd say that makes you an amazing human being.

So to everyone who wrote to me yesterday - not just on the blog but also the emails and facebook messages - thank you so much for caring.


Despina said...

What a darling you are! xx

sylvie d said...

Your post made me think of her again, and you, you DO NOT give up!

Heather said...

Keep writing, PE. Keep sharing, keep letting people in and keep fighting. *hugs hugs and more hugs*

(Btw, that link you requested will be on its way to you at some point today.)

Samantha said...

The way you write about your illness is one of the things that keeps me coming back - you do it in such an honest and real way, and I really appreciate that. Or maybe genuine is the word I'm looking for? I'm not sure.

Either way, even the strongest of people are allowed to stumble and fall every once in awhile, and that's when you let those around (even if they're complete strangers) help pick you back up.

So keep on fighting & blogging - we're here for you!

Lesley said...

Now I feel heartless because I read your post yesterday, meant to comment, but wanted to think up something meaningful not trite, then got caught up in various family mini-crises. Anyway, I'm thinking of you. (see, that's a bit trite isn't it?)

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

Writing about our deepest feelings, those we wouldn't share with the people closest to us in real life, is very therapeutic, and I, too, think you should continue to do it. It is so much easier to just write our side of things and not have to face anyone looking at us, but then, the comments from readers come, and you realize just how much people can care, people that you may never meet eye-to-eye. Your life touches those close to you very much, but it also touches those people you've never met. I hope that the writing and the thoughts and prayers that came as a result will give you that extra bit of hope to hang on to for now.

Drew said...

From the begining of this blog I have been a reader. I have followed what has been going on with you as you have shared it. You put so much of yourself into this blog and there is so much goodness there. Don't deprive the world of that goodness. You will be missed.

Teuchter said...

I'd like to thank YOU for your kindness when I was in the middle of my own health ishoos.

And another thank you - for writing with such eloquence and elegance, two qualities which are very welcome in amongst the morass of the blogosphere.

Chin up, quinie.

Despina said...

Yes, she is an excellent writer isn't she?
Princesse, I never meant for depressed Despina to come out online, but writing sbout it has helped me so much. I was surprised to find out that you were battling against so much when your blog was so sunny, but the way you've shared with us has been so eloquent, I feel like it's been a journey with you and I'm glad you've had an outlet for all this.
bissssouuuuuuuusssssssssssss! (as you would say!)

Saffron said...

I think you're a wonderful girl, very mature for your age and very strong!
You're lucky to have all these people around you! Sometimes all seems so difficult but you can solve everything!

ColbyPants said...

Isnt it great when you find the help you need from somewhere you least expect?? I am sorry that I didnt get to mention it on the previous post (I was caught in my own personal melodrama), but I sent a prayer along as well.

Hope you are on the up & up!


Zannie said...

I cried again cos you said nice things! We can't win can we?! Hope you're having a fabulous time with FP, will see you when you get back! Love always x x x

T.D. Newton said...

I missed all this! Sorry work has been keeping me too busy to even write for myself, lately.

It sounds like your brain's in a better place than you were last year and I'm in no place to tell you what to do but it also sounds like you have a large network of people that care and respect you and would miss you if you were gone. That's a lot more than a lot of people can say, illness or no.

It's only the serious-minded that can even contemplate the things in your last post from your perspective and I'm sure I could write volumes on the subject.

Regardless, you have a lot of reasons to smile this week, it seems, and by the sound of this entry you are focusing more on the happy than the sad. Just remember how far you've come and think of the person you are now. Respect that. Respect your will and your ability to survive. You can do a lot more than you used to think was possible.


Syd said...


I chanced on your blog - I've read all the posts tagged 'sick' so I see that you've been Dx'd with sarcoidosis and TB.

What I can't see is what treatments you've been following. If you haven't looked at it, you might be interested in Trevor Marshall's protocol. I know several people who've been helped by it.

What I know from personal experience is that ongoing illnesses are entirely draining, so your desperation is sadly familiar. Even with the TB, it's worth a look.

Another helpful site is

Best of everything to you. There are plenty of people who understand the desperation.

Kevin D said...

I am not writing you off, WE (you and I) have no time.
I need you to help me organise the Sweaty socks blog tour. Fancy it?

You know my mail if you do. If not, I'll sod off for about ten minutes.

I expect i'll ask again in around 24 hours if no reply.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

I adore every single one of you, you know that?! I've been very very busy playing with FP the past few days, and so didn't have a chance to reply to your comments but I do really appreciate everyone of you who left messages; I always find that's one of the best parts of blogging.

Lesley - you're not heartless! You're kind and sweet and you made me laugh when I read your comment!

Sam - your comments is so lovely, it really encourages me to keep going, to keep writing about my experiences and sharing even the tough moments with readers because that's exactly what I want my blog to be; genuine and real.

Sylvie I'm sorry that's twice I've reminded you of painful memories now, sometimes I forget about what it must be like for people on the other side. Don't worry, I shan't give up, I shall fight this and then write a bestseller book about the entire thing and then I will be rich, riiiiiiiiich! RICH! Ehhh sorry I think I got a wee bit carried away there...

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Heather, thanks for the link, hon. You and I have a lot in common, I understand a lot of what you write, thanks for being there for me. Now I'm here for you. x

Celebrate woo-woo what you wrote in your comment was so beautiful. I read it when I was quickly checking my emails the other day, with FP looking over my shoulder and I won't deny that I had a little eye leakage at the beauty of your words!

Drew you have always been there for me in times of bloggage need, you were my first regular reader and you even found the time to offer support to me when you have a beautiful new baby in your household! Thanks, I really appreciate it :-)

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Teuchter, my dear, thank YOU! For the emails when I wasn't feeling good enough to blog, for the messages of encouragement and for sharing your own health concerns with me. You're such a lovely person.

Despina ahhh my kindred spirit! What are we like eh? We start up blogs and then our fingers do the talking for us! Still, I think it's more of a blessing than a hindrance. It's good to let off steam and find out we're not alone in our thinking. <3

Saffron thank you so much that's really sweet! Yes, I am indeed a very lucky girl for all the people I have around me to love and support me. I thank my lucky stars!

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Tom! Sorry to hear you were going through your own troubles, hope things have settled down for you again. And thanks so much for the prayer, I really appreciate it, I honestly do.

Zannie my sweetheart mooey mump!!! Had a bloody wonderful time with FP, can't wait for him to come here at xmas time, can't wait for you to meet him!!! I shan't cry at the fact you cried I shan't I shan't I shan't....*sniffle* :-p hehehe

TD, hello! God, work should be easing up on you, you're a newlywed! Thanks for the comment, the things you wrote really moved me. From now on I am going to take time to do what you said; to respect myself, to respect my will and ability to survive. I am, after all, quite proud of how far I have come and it's all been down to falling ill with this mysterious disease. It's such a cliche but oh so true; the things that don't kill us only make us stronger. Thanks TD, you made me feel good :-)

Kevin, I have no idea what this smelly sock blog tour is but I'm defo up for it! Count me in!

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Hello Syd, welcome! Thanks for taking the time to read all my posts to get the information, I appreciate that a lot. I have studied the marshall protocol and it all makes a lot of sense to me. However, I begged and begged my doctor to do the vitamin D tests on me (the doctors here refuse to give this theory any credit) and eventually the test results came back saying my level of vitamin D was average. So I decided that it probably wasn't worth going down that route. The annoying thing is that if I were to look into the Marshall protocol treatment further I would be extremely hard put to find a doctor willing to take the risk. Hmmm perhaps a holiday to the states beckons!

Thanks for the links, I will definitely look into it some more and thanks for the advice too, you're the first person who has landed at this blog and left a message who appears to have knowledge of sarcoidosis, I really appreciate that.

Syd said...

It's not so easy in the States either, sadly. You really have to fight and search to get a doctor who's willing to work with you.

If Marshall doesn't seem to be the right path, I suspect that you'll find what you're looking for at Lots of research supports the theory that sarcoidosis is a bacterial (not regular old staph or strep, but very small, very specialized bacteria) infection.

Many people on that site are old hands at getting co-operation from reluctant doctors.

Anyhow- I don't want to shove anything down your throat. Hang in there (and don't trust what the doctors tell you is truth just because they're doctors. Much of the time they're making educated guesses.

Anonymous said...

What's Sweaty socks blog tour ???



Princesse Ecossaise said...

naughty boy toi! tu devrais faire ton travaille mon amour!

Sweaty Socks Blog Tour is a Fuel My Blog tour of the UK!

Anonymous said...

i'm eating!!! :-P

A tour?? like rock band????

Hein?? i don't get it i think!! :-)


Princesse Ecossaise said...

lol oui peut etre c comme ca mon amour! Moi j'uis pas sur, c'est toujours early days je pense.

Tu me manques tu sais?


Anonymous said...

oh thats sounds good but it's strange i've a weird premonition about that... :-/
hmm wait and see on what you'll tell me when it'll be decided.

tu me manques énormément toi aussi...
you know that don't you!