Friday, August 24, 2007

Pure Disappointed

After the past couple of days of ‘heads down, pens poised’ working constantly on that vile thing that’s consumed (almost) all my time for the past 3 months, I took a ‘duvet’ day today.

I had planned a good old lie in until around 11am when I would drag my body to the bath and soak in some hot soapy bubbles, allowing the stress to simply flow out with the steamy vapour and cling to the mirrors. However, my plans were scuppered when I awoke at 8.30 am, out of habit and frankly the sheer insolence of my body clock, and had to lie in bed for another hour trying so very hard to get back to sleep. Which didn't work. No lie ins for me then.

I skipped the bath because someone (and I’m not pointing any fingers but I suspect it was a person going by the name of Mum) finished the last of my super expensive, super gorgeous cashmere bubble bath and the Tesco’s own brand was not looking particularly appealing.

So I gathered my lilac duvet, which could have done with a wee bit of a wash to be honest (it had a few chocolate stains after eating a Cadburys Dairy Milk in bed yesterday), and went downstairs in my pink Snoopy pyjamas. I’d just settled myself on the sofa surrounded by my duvet with a warm bowl of porridge and a cup of Tetley tea, turned on ITV1 to watch Jeremy Kyle and other crappy daytime TV when the phone rang. I debated over whether to answer, weighing up the likelihoods of it being someone important or a telemarketing call. I picked up, in case it was someone important.

“Hello?” I said in my posh telephone voice.

“Hello there, may I speak to [Miss Ecossaise] please?” The disembodied voice asked with a slight accent. I racked my brains to see if I could identify the voice but nothing doing. Must be a telemarketer. Merde.

An exaggerated sigh and then; “Yes, speaking.”

“Hello [Princesse]!” The man exclaimed as if we were good old pals who went way back. “This is Doctor Asshole speaking. I’m a colleague of –”

“Doctor Asshole?” I asked, incredulous.

“Yes, Doctor Asshole…”

Now, any other person would have hung up the phone, but I was rather intrigued to say the least. Could it be that a man was actually burdened with the name of Asshole?! Or perhaps he was a doctor of assholes. Perhaps some doctors re-named themselves after the body parts that they specialised in?

The man continued. “I’m a colleague of Doctor Mckay.”

“Ah,” I said, realising now that he worked at the hospital with my specialist. “Hello there Doctor…Asshole.” My hand went up to my mouth as I held back a snigger.

We had a wee chat, which turned out to be lovely, he was only wondering how my new treatment was going. The fact that he told me he was a specialist in dermatology UNconfirmed (if that makes sense) my suspicions that he was a doctor of assholes. I suppose he was just unfortunate enough to bear the name of…well, a bum hole.

Anyway, to set things straight, I should probably tell you that I looked up some letters from the hospital which have a list of the specialists’ names on (wasn’t that a clever thing to do!) and there was no ‘Doctor Asshole’.

There was, however, a Doctor Assol.

I was pure disappointed.


sylvie d said...

I am currently messing around with my ipod library and this made it bearable!

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Awww my pleasure Sylv! Messing around with an ipod menu is the worst!

Lis of the North said...

Pure funny though eh? xx

ColbyPants said...

thats great, who cares if its not spelled right, the dude actually has the name dr asshole ;) if only in pronounciation.

(I am notscrewing around with an ipod library, I am dutifully listening to Scottish Football on the radio. Celtic 5 Hearts nil)



ColbyPants said...

by the way, listening to this is worthwhile if only cause the announcers are scottish and the accents are badass :-p

Princesse Ecossaise said...

TOMMMMMMM man I am so proud of you! Firstly, you're listening to a Celtic game and secondly you can understand the dudes accents! Wooooo!

ColbyPants said...

why thank you, I got up early on a saturday just to do it 9remember, the part of the US I am in is 5 hours behind scotland ;) Had to be up at 830 am to catch pre-match show.


Princesse Ecossaise said...

Crazy man, crazy!!! But my god you're keen, you deserve a medal!


Now you gotta take a trip to Scotland and watch them for real!

ColbyPants said...

That would be sweet on a level I cant describe. I might even drink some of that crap scotch if I was there!



Princesse Ecossaise said...

HA!!! You'd love that and you know it!

Just for the laugh you'd have to wear a kilt, eat haggis, drink Tenants Lager, Irn Bru and Gengoyne Whisky and use all the slang I've taught you!

Och Aye!!!!

FP said...

"Tennents" lager and "Glengoyne" whisky... :-p
you really need some rest my angel... :-)
Anyway, i'd prefer not that Americans try Glengoyne whisky cause they would love it so much they would buy it all and no more Glengoyne for me !!!!


Princesse Ecossaise said...

It's true, I do need a rest :-( j'uis absolument crevé

Despina said...

You'll have to ask the Jezmister about Dr Asshole!

Lord Likely said...

I imagine a Dr. Asshole would have come bottom in his class.

T.D. Newton said...

It's hard being the butt of every joke.

Names are so weird, seriously.

ColbyPants said...

Like this dude, Princesse??

Despinetta said...

Mia Principessa, hai qualchecosa nel mio blog!

Sorry, just felt the need to be Italian then. Hop on over to Miss Despina's and grab yourself an award :)

T.D. Newton said...

ANOTHER award??????

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Awww Despinalalala you are too kind! Thanks again for the lovely award, Im flattered!

Tom the link doesnt seem to work...

LOVING the bum jokes, I only wish I was clever and witty enough to have come up with one myself!

Ghosty said...

We have a collection of funny doctor names at my office (we have a department that talks to surgeons all day). The office winner over there so far is 'Dr. Randy Weiner'. I'm not making that up. I'll go in today and add 'Dr. Assol' to the list on your behalf.

I've not had Glengoyne whiskey, to be sure. Going to have to try that. ;)

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Seriously - Randy Weiner?!! I mean what sort of parents curses their child with that name? My God!

Dr Assol seems lucky in comparison.

Despina said...

A friend of mine worked with a nurse called Miss Curtain.
Annette Curtain.

Gordon Scott said...

Glengoyne and the Transport Museum are two of my favourite places too. You write really well, you should think about a career in journalism, no kidding. Today: Celtic and St Mirren, on Setanta in a friend's caravan here on the Isle of Tiree, with a barbie and a nippy sweetie or two. What more could a man ask for? (Answers on a postcard to ...). Must get to see the Falkirk Wheel. Orginally a Wishaw man. Feel I should! Hope you are keeping well! Gordon