Sunday, August 05, 2007

Nothing Matters Any More Than He


One of the first moments that I realised my relationship with FP was entirely different to that of any I’d been in before was last September, when I went to France to stay with him for a week. It was the first time we had been together alone without a rowdy group of French people surrounding us, and the first time we had been together as a couple.

With other men boys, I’d desperately wanted to be looked after. I’d wanted to be taken care of, protected and treated like a precious, fragile ornament that could shatter at any given moment. I wanted to be treated with care. I wanted my happiness put first in every possible action.

Yes, it was selfish, but I was young. Anyway, the boys didn’t treat me the way I wanted to be treated, because they were thinking the same thing for themselves. They wanted to have their happiness put first. Frankly they didn’t want to compromise and neither did I.

And so the moment I felt this fierce, overwhelming urge to mother FP, to make sure he was never hurt, to protect him from all the pain that the world can cause, I knew this was something different, something new. All of a sudden I found that what I wanted more than anything else in the world was to know for sure that this man, strong and brave as he may be, would never be hurt again.

Sometimes when he comes home from work, and he’s had a hard day, I sit him down on the sofa, and hold him close to me, stroking his soft, blonde hair that smells of a mixture between baby powder and delicious musk, and holding his head against my breasts (not bosom!) like my baby. He is tired, his eyes close softly as I allow him some well earned rest. He is beautiful, lying there. He looks like an angel.

And when he has managed to unwind, and I feel the tension release slowly from his taught muscles, I plant a lingering kiss on his smooth, tanned forehead, before going to make his dinner.
He looks at me as I stand in the kitchenette; he asks me if I need help. I tell him not to move a muscle; that he must learn to relax. When I bring him his bottle of beer for the aperitif, he regards me, smiles gratefully and pulls on my hand so that I bend down slightly in order for him to kiss me. ‘I love you’, he tells me.

I love to take care of him, to make entirely sure that he’s happy. I look forward to the day when he comes home from work and I have run him a bubble bath (with a boat so that he doesn’t feel too feminine), and it pleases me greatly just to put on a wash and find his socks or shirts tangled and intertwined with my clothes, much like our two bodies when we sleep.

FP looks after me in the same caring way. He tells me he loves to wash my clothes, to hang them out to dry and to see my Snoopy pants next to his boxers.

On a Sunday, when I’ve taken my Methotrexate pills, he leads me from the bed to the sofa, carefully bringing my blankie (so what, I’m 21 and I have a blankie – don’t laugh!) and placing it on top of my limp body. He switches on the television, finds some girly programme I enjoy, before running along the road to the boulangerie to buy croissants for my breakfast.

He takes care of me as though I am his own family, and I suppose, one day, I may be part of his family. The first time he kissed me, he awoke something within me that may have been dead, or may have never been alive at all until he came into my life. He taught me how to love and he taught me how to care.

In our first week together as a couple, we took care of one another, showed each other how much we felt for one another. When I fainted in the lobby of his apartment building, he carried me inside to the privacy of his own little room, making soothing noises to assure me I was alright. He gave me orange juice and sugar and I called him my hero.

When he became frustrated in the Parisian traffic jams I calmed him down, kissed all his stress away and made him smile. I distracted him from the other connards on the road who were beeping their horns and shaking their fists. I told him terrible jokes and sang along with the radio, watching out the corner of my eye as he failed to hold his laughter in.

In that first week he lifted me over puddles so that my very un-sensible shoes wouldn’t get wet and he carried me over small walls – tiny walls – just because.

And when he spoke about painful things in his life I comforted him, all the while I was crying inside, because this man I was falling deeply in love with had been hurt and I hadn’t been there to help him through it.

Is this a part of love? I suppose it is. They say that when you fall in love you ‘just know’, but I had told myself I’d fallen in love so many times before that I was shocked by this new yearning to protect a man. I’d been taught that men didn’t need to be protected, to be comforted or kept from pain. I know the day will come when he will be upset; one girl’s love alone can not keep a man from sadness. But that doesn’t stop me from trying. I can’t help but have this powerful, fierce urge to take FP’s beautiful soul and keep it from all harm forever, and maybe that is a large part of love. Compromisation, the willingness to do anything to make the other happy, and a fierce desire to protect.

Whatever it is, I like it.

29 comments:

FP said...

i'm speechless... i have nothing else to say that i love you Princesse. More than you can imagine. and if i had one wish to fulfill, it would be being your man forever and you letting me take care of you all my life.

X X X X

FP

Lord Likely said...

Your gentle-man is very lucky indeed. A thousand blessings to you both!

sugar007 said...

I am loving this lovefest!! So nice to hear that it feels so right for you. Wish you all the best, you guys sound so lovely together. I have to say when you bring him his beer you are giving this poor guy false hope that you will be doing this all the time. Wait till the FP/Ecossaise babies come along and you scream at him to get his own f-ing beer ;-)

T.D. Newton said...

Some of the things you say remind me of my own thoughts when I contemplate the past in comparison to my current situation. I thought I "loved" before --- even enough to MARRY a girl (who I divorced 2 years go) --- but I've realized something in the past few years about love and relationships. Everything is different because the person you're with is different. You can't love Guy A the same way you love Guy B because they are not the same guy. You can't treat them the same or share the same funny moments and "first times" because the situations are totally different.

Long story short, it sounds like you have accepted your past and you are using it as fuel to move yourself forward. Ignoring the past is unhealthy but accepting it as part of what got you where you are today is exactly what human beings do.

You two are adorable and I wish you nothing but the best. As I've said before, it's very fun and funny to "watch"; it's very cute to hear all of these kinds of stories. If only just because it provides so many wonderful stories, I hope the two of you stay together forever!

Zhu said...

You guys are so cute ! Ah, the power of the French men... yet, I left to Canada... mmm...:D

ColbyPants said...

Holy Shit!

in that picture he totally looks like a friend of mine from college named Drew! But Drew's from Cleveland. . .


Cool post though.

and toZhu, I am of French decent, does that count??

haha

TomC

nursemyra said...

you two look great together!

Miss Despina said...

Sugar stop being such a prophet of doom ;)

I empathise with so much of what you say, Princesse. I thought the boy I was (wasting 18 months of my life) with before Jez had managed to drain me of all my ability to care like that. But Jez is the most incredible man I've ever met, he has an endless capacity for kindness and giving and caring, and forgiving and understanding. It's fair to say that we emotionally rehabilitated each other.
It's so good to be at a stage where neither of you is afraid of being weak in front of the other, because you know how to be strong for each other.
You two sound perfect together. I know how special that feels.

FP said...

D'OOOH!!
TOM !! thats scary!!!!
My best NFL player is DREW BREES from N.O. and i support also the Cleveland Browns!!!!
coincidense??!! ^.^

no no no im not addicted!!

FP

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Ahhh FP mon petit coeur, c'est vraiment mignon tout ce que tu dit...t'es absolument merveilleux tu sais? Et je t'aime comme une folle!

Thanks Lord for the blessings! He is indeed a lucky(ish) gentleman...although not a typical English gentleman, more a sort of Northern gentleman who eats good Normandie food and is learning to wear a kilt.

Sugar you totally crack me up!!! I think when there are FP/Ecossaise babies around there may not be time at all for a beer! (don't tell him that though - he has to believe that I will keep him in the lifestyle that he has become accustomed to!)

Princesse Ecossaise said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Princesse Ecossaise said...

TD I agree with you in that you can't love two people exactly the same. FP is so different from any other man I have ever met, I couldn't possibly care for him the same way I would have cared for a previous guy. Or rather, I couldn't possibly care for anyone else the way I care for my FP.

But the love I feel for him is on a much higher level than I've ever felt before. And I ADORE feeling this way!

And thanks for the kind wishes! I hope we stay together forever toooooooooooo!!!!!!

Zhu darling, I don't know what you were playing at when you moved away from France. Mind you, there are Canadian/French guys over there - I think you were going for the best of both worlds!!

Tom, you're Irish AND French decent. That is all good.

Hey nursemyra! Great to see you here! And cheers!

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Despinalalalala! It's funny how we never see how wrong a relationship was until we are out of it and with someone new. All the great things in the new relationship that feel so right show how wrong all the other men were.

I think you and Jez make a lovely, perfect couple, I've never even met him but even I can see he is as kind, giving and caring as you say.

Double wedding?! :-p

Damn it Tom, look what you've started with your comment about FP. Yes babe you ARE addicted!!!

Despina said...

I had a dream I sang at your wedding! That will teach me to blog before bedtime. (Can't remember what you guys were wearing, but it was on a hillside and my dress was blowing in the breeze and it was all gorgeous!)
Yes, that Jez is a member of a rare breed. Aren't we lucky girls!

Teuchter said...

Many women search for years and never find their prince - or end up settling for one of the frogs. I'm pleased that you've found a prince among men and wish you much more happiness.

(aside)
I'm supposed to be starting on methotrexate in ten days time and it's scaring me rigid. What can you tell me about it? I've read as much of the medical blurb I can find but none of that actually explains what you feel like on it.
I'll be taking it once a week too - followed by two days of folic acid.
(/aside)

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Despi! What a hoot! Well, now I know who to ask to sing at my wedding! Wonderful idea! "The beautiful voice of Miss Despina" and me and FP will dance romantically while you sing something delicious. Loverly!

Our men are gentlemen - the last of a dying breed. :-)

Teuchter thankyou for the comment and don't worry about the methotrexate! I've been on it for about 11 months now and the only side effects I've had is feeling really sick the day after having taken it. It gave me really bad tummy aches and made me feel just generally ill and weak but that only lasted one day and if you are good at taking the folic acid (which I am not!) then the tummy aches won't be as bad. If you have any other questions don't hesitate to ask me :-) I'm an expert on methotrexate now!

Ghosty said...

You guys are just too damn cute, you know that?

Ahh, but you are both still young. I'm still finding out what this love thing is all about, and I've been in and out of it more than a couple of times. I suppose that's the fun part, eh?

Lis of the North said...

Oh you're such a sop. You're so in love. Bless ;))

T.D. Newton said...

Nice new header image :)

ColbyPants said...

Anybody who would continue to root for the Browns considering their recent track record has to be addicted. (I mean they havent been close to good in quite a long while now). That is odd that you do like the Cleveland team though FP, I guess you fit the profile (LOL)

coincedence, I THINK NOT!


you kno you missed me Princesse.

TomC

sylvie d said...

So when are you moving in together???
Is it soon?
Pleased to see that your treatment is working..it must have been an anxious time for you!

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Sylvie we aren't moving in together. daddy dearest won't have me 'living in sin'. So, until there's a ring on my finger, I will be living in my own little French apartment...

Tom I did miss you, I did, even though when you are around FP turns every converation into American football poo.

Haha yes Lis I am such a sop! I take after my dad - over emotional

Well done TD!!!!!!! You noticed m wonderful header! Do you know how long that took me to do?! A long time. Very long time. I messed up the rest of the template but I don't really care I'm too excited that I have a header picture of Edinburgh!!

FP said...

and honestly sylvie, i do prefer only have the advantage of being with a girl without the inconvenient of living with her... ;-)
ps: i'm allowed to try reverse psycologie !!!! lol

Tom, i missed you too. Now i know your not a big fan of the Browns, you know this season they can only improve their result cause of their bad regular season last year (exactly like the Raiders or the Lions..) As i know you are in Ohio maybe you prefer The Bengals in Cincinnatti? I quite enjoy that they will train with the Saints two days before their pre-season match against them! Sean Payton is quite reliefed now after their defeat against the Steelers last sunday. Or as you like the red sox in Boston, you may prefer the Patriots? But dont tell me you like the Buffalo Bills!! Or you prefer like watching NCAA football and obviously you would like the Buckeyes!! I watch both... Ok Sunday i'm going to church, to confesse my addiction... And tell to God that is not my fault but it's just that my Princesse misses me so much that i need something to entertain my mind...

FP

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Sloganizer today - "Princesse Ecossaise' created by nature"

FP you mean to say that 'I miss my Princesse' silly sausage!

Luckily you understand that you need to make the most of being able to watch all the football you want while I'm here in Scotland, because very soon I shall be stealing your tv and watching Un gars et une fille, Friends and Les Destins de Liza!

fp said...

D'oooh!! :-S
Silly me !! sorry for the english...

Luckily i have already thought about that and i have already found a solution for letting my sweet princess steals the TV and me able to watch all the football i want in the same room without disturb her... ;-) i'm not your clever cookie by hasard ! :-p i know it doesnt accelarate the stuffs for living together but even the big boys are allowed to dream...

FP

Princesse Ecossaise said...

awwww well I can't deny you your dreams precious, and you know that we share the same dreams. One day. One day...One day...one day...one daaaaaayyyy

baby it's really shitty weather here, I'm afraid your August spent in Scotland isn't going to be all sunshine...sorry!

FP said...

"no matter the weather, until we are together" :-)

FP
ps: thanks princess mummmy!

ColbyPants said...

FP, i grew up in the Stae of Massachusetts, so yes I would prefer the New England Patriots, like I do the Red Sox. That said I do watch a lot of the Browns, and they will be better than the 3-13 of last season. How much so remains to be seen.

ColbyPants said...

I also went to Ohio State for two years, so yes, I looooooove the Buckeyes.