Friday, June 08, 2007

Scottish For Beginners

Or rather Sco’ish for beginners.

If one is ever to find oneself in Scotland, even for a day or two, one will never get anywhere if one does not know how to speak Scottish.

Now you may think Scotsmen speak English, this is a common belief. But you are mistaken. 99% of Scotsmen will not understand English, American or Canadian English. If you travel to Scotland, there will be a massive language barrier. If you speak to a Scotsman in ‘normal’ English, you will appear foreign. And you do not want to be foreign in Scotland. It is highly dangerous.

For example, you may walk up to a strange Scotsman and ask him, ‘excuse me, kind sir, could you tell me the time please?’

The Scotsman will stare at you, eyebrows twitching in confusion. What you really should have said is this; ‘awright min, fits the time?’

By learning a few basic Scottish words, one can make several sentences.

Let us begin with ‘hello’. Now, there is one word in Scotland for ‘hello’ and although some of use the word ‘hello’ it is more likely that one will say, ‘awright’.

Hello = Awright (click 'awright' in Mychingo at the bottom of the sidebar for an example)

Now this word ‘awright’ is in fact asking ‘all right?’ or, ‘are you all right?’ But in Scotland, no one ever answers the question. Whatever you do, do not answer ‘awright’ with ‘yes, thanks I’m fine’. The correct response to a Scotsman's saluations should simply be ‘awright min’, ‘min’ being ‘man’.

Man = Min

The word ‘min’ can be inserted anywhere in a sentence or at the end of a sentence. It is perfectly acceptable in Scotland to repeat the word several times closely together.

As you can gather from the translation of the sentence ‘what is the time’, the word for what is ‘fit’ or, in some regions, 'whit’.

What = fit / whit

As we have now learned the Scottish words for ‘hello’, ‘man’ and ‘what’, we can now continue with another common Scottish greeting.

‘Awright min, fit lyk?’

There is one new word in this sentence that one must learn in order to be considered as a polite, self respecting human being in Scotland.

The expression of ‘fit lyk’ literally means ‘what like’, which is interpreted as ‘how are you?’

How are you? = fit lyk?

It is important to note that although this is an interrogation, one must not raise the tone of voice at the end. Keep the tone of voice low. Practice speaking from the very back of your throat, in an almost threatening pitch.

Hello, how are you? = ‘Awright, fit lyk?’ (click 'fit lyk' in the sidebar for example)

If you want to really show off your knowledge of the Scottish language, one can insert the word ‘min’ a number of times in this simple greeting. Example; ‘Min! Awright min. Min, whit lyk min?’

One correct response to this question would be, ‘aye, nae bad’.

It is common knowledge that ‘aye’ means ‘yes’.

Yes = aye

The word for ‘not’ is ‘nae’.

Not bad = nae bad

Yes, not bad = aye, nae bad (Click 'aye, nae bad' for an example)

Again, practice inserting the word ‘min’ into this statement. Ex; ‘Aye min, nae bad min’.

Be careful not to mistake the word ‘nae’ for ‘no’, which, in Scottish is always ‘naw’.

No = Naw

If you would like to add the word ‘thank you’, one must be careful to say ‘cheers’ and never ‘thank you’ as you will appear as an Englishman, which is also dangerous in Scotland.

Thank you = Cheers

Another important note to make is that ‘cheers’ is very often followed by ‘min’.

And I shall finish today’s lesson by teaching a very common Scottish expression. This term can describe a scoundrel, rascal or villain. The phrase is ‘baw bag’, literally meaning ball bag.

Villain = baw bag

Again, keep the tone of voice low when using this term, stressing the first syllable; baw bag.

Of course it is common and popular in Scotland to alternate the word ‘bag’ with ‘sack’.

Practice expressing this phrase, alternating between ‘baw bag’ and ‘baw sack’.


T.D. Newton said...

Hilarious. Makes me wish it was an audio lesson hahahaha.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

The next one will be an audio!!! I think I worked out a way to do it ^_^ clever me!!!

T.D. Newton said...

Cool. It's hard to "get" other languages without accents. The 26 letters of the western alphabet can only do so much!

BTW, I marvel every time I see how many SpicyPage votes you have. You are one popular chick.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

I bribe them all to vote for me you see. I'm only popular because I give them £1 per vote.

Only kidding, like I said before, I'm not popular over there, it's just people voting for me 'cause they want reciprical votes!

Is reciprical a word???

*head scratching*

ColbyPants said...

I want some foreign money!

I vote for you on fuel my blog anyway!


Princesse Ecossaise said...

Awww but you don't get money 'cause I vote for YOU too!!

Me and jeebus single handedly made you the blog of the day!:-p

I am now in the slow process of making this an audio post. If you look in the side bar near the bottom there are audio pieces. Funny stuff this whole technology thing!

ColbyPants said...

if I had a microphone on my computer I would record a message to prove that there isnt a way in hell that I could ape that accent of yours. So I would just sound like a foreigner trying to act scottish, which I figure eqwuals and extra punch in the face or two.



Princesse Ecossaise said...

Hahahaha!! No one except Scottish folk can do a Scottish accent, well, it's rare. Still it's hilarious to hear people try.

FP tries to copy my accent, which is friggin adorable!

T.D. Newton said...

"Reciprocal" is a word and it is definitely the word you're looking for (good choice). Whether or not you're popular over there at least its a good place to fuel hits, eh?

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Yes, very true. In fact out of all the blog catalogues I've signed up for, it's Spicypage and Fuel My Blog that give me the most hits. The others rarely send visitors over.

Zhu said...

This is hilarious !

When I think of Scotland, I always think of the movie Trainspotting.

"It's SHITE being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low. The scum of the fucking Earth! The most wretched miserable servile pathetic trash that was ever shat on civilization. Some people hate the English. I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. Can't even find a decent culture to get colonized by. We're ruled by effete assholes. It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy, and all the fresh air in the world won't make any fucking difference! "


Ghosty said...

Well, now I not only know what 'fit lyk min?' means, I know if I get that t-shirt I can wear it in front of my mother. :D

Good lord, I thought Gaelic was bizarre.

ColbyPants said...

Gaelic IS bizarre.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

hahaha Gaelic is bizarre, no doubt about that...

My dad shouted at me for this post :-( He said no one will want to come to Scotland, that I've scared everyone off!

Jeebus said...

your language is strange and confusing to me.....:-P

anno domini said...

This made me laugh out loud. Thanks, princesse!

Sebastien said...

This is too complicated for my poor little brain! Scotland needs to conquer the world and force us to learn your variation on the English language, things would be much easier that way!

Princesse Ecossaise said...

hahaha what a grand idea Seb! I'm working on it ;-)