I’m back home with the parents again, turns out my father googled me and found this post…I regret having told him I have a blog now. Perhaps I should start watching what I write?
Mum has put Dad on a diet. Every night when he comes back from work now, he arrives home to a Weight Watcher’s microwave meal sitting at his place on the table.
Last night we went out for a meal at a Chinese restaurant to celebrate my becoming an ex-student and Dad took advantage of the opportunity to order beer, spring rolls, rice and king prawns in batter. I happened to choose the same, only with wine instead of beer, of course.
‘I really don’t know how long I can survive on this diet lark,’ he complained to me halfway through the meal. He poured his sweet and sour sauce over his rice and prawns and lifted a forkful to his mouth. ‘Everything tastes the same,’ he continued as he chewed heartily on his food.
‘What do you mean? What’s Mum been feeding you?’ I ask, breaking a prawn cracker in half and chomping loudly on it.
‘She’s only allowing me a crappy little Weight Watchers microwave meal for tea! It’s absurd.’ I nodded sympathetically. ‘The chicken hotpot tastes the same as the chicken curry and the chicken curry tastes the same as the ocean pie.’
Mum snorted, ‘No they don’t. There’s fish in the ocean pie and chicken in the hotpot and curried chicken in the curry.’
‘My elbow; is there bloody fish in the ocean pie and chicken in the hotpot and curried chicken in the curry!’ He chewed on his food thoughtfully for a moment or two before swallowing and claiming, ‘there’s no solids in those diet foods. It’s like bloody baby food, that’s what it is. Bloody puree.’
It occurred to me during the exam period that I was stuffing my face full of Ben & Jerry’s, chocolate muffins, pizza, chocolate buttons, vodka and cookies.
I’ve put on a considerable amount of weight and I can see the formations of a little double chin. I have a pot belly, an ‘ample’ bosom and child bearing hips. It’s about time I put myself into the hands of my mother and ate Weight Watchers microwavable calorie counted ‘bloody baby food’ meals for a month or so.
Oh well, there’s no gain without pain I suppose.