Saturday, June 02, 2007

A moment on the lips...

I’m back home with the parents again, turns out my father googled me and found this post…I regret having told him I have a blog now. Perhaps I should start watching what I write?


Mum has put Dad on a diet. Every night when he comes back from work now, he arrives home to a Weight Watcher’s microwave meal sitting at his place on the table.

Last night we went out for a meal at a Chinese restaurant to celebrate my becoming an ex-student and Dad took advantage of the opportunity to order beer, spring rolls, rice and king prawns in batter. I happened to choose the same, only with wine instead of beer, of course.

‘I really don’t know how long I can survive on this diet lark,’ he complained to me halfway through the meal. He poured his sweet and sour sauce over his rice and prawns and lifted a forkful to his mouth. ‘Everything tastes the same,’ he continued as he chewed heartily on his food.

‘What do you mean? What’s Mum been feeding you?’ I ask, breaking a prawn cracker in half and chomping loudly on it.

‘She’s only allowing me a crappy little Weight Watchers microwave meal for tea! It’s absurd.’ I nodded sympathetically. ‘The chicken hotpot tastes the same as the chicken curry and the chicken curry tastes the same as the ocean pie.’

Mum snorted, ‘No they don’t. There’s fish in the ocean pie and chicken in the hotpot and curried chicken in the curry.’

‘My elbow; is there bloody fish in the ocean pie and chicken in the hotpot and curried chicken in the curry!’ He chewed on his food thoughtfully for a moment or two before swallowing and claiming, ‘there’s no solids in those diet foods. It’s like bloody baby food, that’s what it is. Bloody puree.’

It occurred to me during the exam period that I was stuffing my face full of Ben & Jerry’s, chocolate muffins, pizza, chocolate buttons, vodka and cookies.

I’ve put on a considerable amount of weight and I can see the formations of a little double chin. I have a pot belly, an ‘ample’ bosom and child bearing hips. It’s about time I put myself into the hands of my mother and ate Weight Watchers microwavable calorie counted ‘bloody baby food’ meals for a month or so.

Oh well, there’s no gain without pain I suppose.


sugar007 said...

I have the greatest sympathy for your old man. For a man weight watchers portions are like starters - just to wet the appetite. I have tried them, and I personally think they are a waste of money. They are great if you follow the program and can't be bothered adding your points together.. One thing about WW it does work if you follow the rules and generally allows a balanced/fad free dieting solution but I think buying their meals is a con. Anymore if you have put on a bit weight there is more of you for the French man to love :-)

The Horns and the Hawk said...

america's a rough place to try and lose weight. we're schizophrenic about it. we obsess over our weight and looks more than any country, yet, try ordering a small meal. you can't. whatever you order, you get a ton of. when i went to ireland (i got back a week and a half ago), i felt like i was starving for the first three days, then all of a sudden i learned that i can get full on a smaller amount of food.

now i'm back in the states, and every time i eat i feel like a damn glutton. i wish i could make my body realize that just because i'm in america it doesn't mean i have to eat like i am.

apart from that, weight watchers isn't a good way to go about losing weight. unless you plan to make weight loss a serious weight loss goal. in fact, read these:

ColbyPants said...

i have to say, microwave meal in general are bad, and the low fat ones are the pits. I feel for your dad.

tell him to go on a whiskey and cuban cigars diet, I bet hed like it more. . .

T.D. Newton said...

Always watch the amount of SODIUM in those microwaved meals. High sodium is horrible for you and frozen meals have it in spades.

I wouldn't advise microwaved meals if you're trying to lose weight yourself but you seem to have a plan for that already. One big tip is water. Drink tons and tons (more than you thought possible) of water every single day. You'll be healthier, trust me.

What's a chocolate button???

sugar007 said...

T.D chocolate buttons are like flatter Hershey drops. They look like milk chocolate buttons. 'Does exactly what it says on the tin'

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Chocolate buttons are the bees knees man!!

I've given up on the diet. I lasted one day. I love my food too much!!

I quite like being curvaceous and so does FP :-D

Poor Dad hasn't been let off the hook though...