Saturday, June 23, 2007

Can't live with them...


Dad was sent off to the supermarket alone this morning armed with a strict shopping list written by mum. This would have been fine had he gone to the correct supermarket where he knows where things are located. But he chose to try out the new supermarket, which opened last week and looks so large it could easily be mistaken for Heathrow Airport.

He came back over two hours later, in a foul mood. Never again will he venture inside the realms of that vast warehouse that calls itself a supermarket. “There is nothing ‘super’ about it.” Dad says.

As mum and I put the various food and drink, tins, boxes, packets, accessories and the odd inexcusable item that is known as ‘a waste of money’ by mum (eg, 6 leather ring binders – “it was buy 3 get 3 free!” and a barbecue trigger spray cleaner – “dad, we don’t own a barbecue.”), he stood back and watched, absolutley exhausted from his adventure.

“Where is the toilet roll?” Mum asked after all bags were emptied.

Dad looked sheepish. “Well I couldn’t find the specific one you told me to get, and I didn’t know if another one would do.”

“It didn’t have to be the Triple Velvet Quilted Puppy roll. That’s just the one we normally have.” Mum was annoyed. Her hands rested on her hips. “Why didn’t you ask a shop assistant?”

“Look,” dad sat down, “there are some things a self respecting man can not say out loud in public.” Mum and I exchanged looks. “Triple Velvet Quilted Puppy Toilet Roll is one of them.”

“Did you get Tampax?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“Sanitary towels? Bodyform?”

Anther sorrowful shake of the head.

“So tell us,” mum said, “for future reference, what else can a man not say out loud in public?”

It turns out there are quite a lot of offensive brand names that todays man can not utter; Mr Muscle, Mr Sheen, Filet o Fish, Cheese balls, Femfresh, Twiglets, Super Silky Softly Soft Tissue, Monster Munch…

“I suppose you didn’t get my Golden Balls Cereal then?” I asked.

“No, sorry Toots.”

20 comments:

Drew said...

Too funny, I thought that actions like that were only from the men on TV.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

I wish Drew, I wish!

And they say girls choose men just like their fathers...I can see FP being exactly this way in a few years time.

Just a warning...I have another dad story for Monday Madness which indicates what type of insane manner that I was brought up in. It's a wonder I ever turned out so well!

Badthing1 said...

Hi PE :)

LOL I think there is something built inside of most men in this world that says to them, "Since I despise shopping and don't want to be here anyway, I will buy whatever I want to make me feel better!!!" LOL :) :)

I enjoyed your story about your Dad's experience and now I know that my feeling was correct, since you are in Europe and I am in America, so I guess men all over the world DO have this built inside. :)

Aorable puppy! is he/she yours?

T.D. Newton said...

Hahahaha "twiglets"

No man should ever have to go to the store for tampons, that's just degrading. I guess when I get "older" then I won't mind so much but I swear there will be a woman present if I am to be swiping my debit card for feminine hygiene products.

That is funny stuff.

ColbyPants said...

AMEN TD

I am a very forgiving enlightened man, but this is how it works.

I will go shopping for any number of girly froo froo things, and eveb pretend to like it, but:

she buys the tampons, sanitary liners etc. And if she asked me, all she would get in return is a chuckle.

Sorry kids ;-)

TomC

sylvie d said...

I saw an old man once in the supermarket in France looking totally lost in front of the ladies "garnishes" he was holding the ref in his hands but looked so lost that an middle age lady and myself took pity on him and helped him through the awckward purchase...I try to be nice like that!

ColbyPants said...

better than most people sylvie, who just snicker and continue on.

TomC

Zhu said...

Never ever send a guy shoppng alone. Period.

No matter how charmant your prince is, you might want to remember that.

:D

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Ha! Men are so funny, even if its just a matter of putting a packet of tampons into the trolley amongst a thousand other items where it won't be seen they will refuse to do it!

And when it's condoms they are even more adamant not to be there when the items are bought...how odd.

FP said...

Personally, i dont care about buying tampon, girl stuffs or condoms. i dont care about buying stuffs like that. Maybe when i was younger, yeah i did care. But now, i would prefer add this things on my market list, because at least it means that my girl is with me at home.......

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Oh baby c'est si beau. You are lovely and I adore you, mister Perfect. In two weeks I shall be there and will send you to Auchan to buy tampons and Femfresh and Bodyform. :-)

Palm Springs Savant said...

That is so funny...but I as a guy I can relate to some degree! Poor Dad! Keep up the good work on your blog, I love reading stories about families and life. stop by and say hi sometime as well~
www.rickrockhill.blogspot.com

The Horns and the Hawk said...

femfresh makes me feel a little gaggy to say.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Help! What is Rodrigo saying? I don't speak ... is it Portugese?

Jeebus said...

um, i speak spanish...maybe i can try :-P

Lord Likely said...

Luckily, as a lord I can get my man-servant to do the shopping for me. I always try to ensure my shopping list includes plenty of meatballs, cream cheese and faggots (no, I am not being homophobic - they're a real food!)

I like to cause my servant great discomfort on his trip to the shops.

Jez said...

Rodrigo is a Portuguese/Brazilian spammer, trying to sell customised T-shirts.

T.D. Newton said...

You should turn on the comment image option so you don't get spammers.

To FP's comment, I agree that we men should be secure enough to buy whatever feminine or sexual products imperative to sustaining the general balance of the relationship. The problem is probably, like child birth, there's no equivalent thing for the opposite sex. I guess we you could send you girls to an adult video store for us and that might be just as embarrassing but it wouldn't be the same (and not all of us frequent AV stores anyway).

Actually, my fiancee has a funny story about a friend of hers going to a store late one night and buying condoms, tampons AND a pregnancy test. I can't remember exactly what she said when the clerk looked at her funny but it was something to the effect of "Yes, I'm horny, I might be pregnant, and I'm on my period!" It's a lot funnier when she tells it.

Ghosty said...

Delete Roidigo.

Anyway, some time ago I was in the grocery store buying tampons (as if I need to say this) for my then-girlfriend. Rather embarassed, as most any macho-man would be, until two somewhat enamoured gay men got in line behind me. Suddenly, that box of tampons became a badge of honor; That's right, these are TAMPONS, which I am PROUDLY purchasing for MY WOMAN.

Men are weird, I know.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Cheers Jez!! What an eejit Rodrigo is...

Faggots are real food?! What the hell are they? hey don't exactly sound very ... appetising, do they?

TD that is hilarious that story! My friend went to a drugstore, bought a pregnancy test and some sort of painkillers or medication. The woman at the till asked 'if there's any chance you might be pregnant you can't take this medication'. Friend says 'Oh no, I'm definitley not pregnant,' woman at till looks at both items, shrugs in a manner to say 'you are a freak' and rings them up. Okay, maybe you had to be there to find it funny - Your story is funnier...