Walking home from university today with my friend, Indigo, we were deep in conversation.
“What can I buy Tim for our anniversary?”
“Uh…how about a watch?” I guessed.
“Gave him a watch last year.”
“Flying lessons? He wants to be a pilot doesn’t he?”
“Yeah, but his ex girlfriend gave him flying lessons.”
I snigger, “hmmm, I have no idea what you should get him, Indigo. Boys are so hard to buy for.”
“I know, I know…I need to get him somethi-”
“Hey, hey sexy girrrrls,” a sleazy male voice interrupted us.
Looking up from the pavement (I was on dog merde alert), I couldn’t believe who I saw standing before us, blocking our path.
The disgusting slimy pervert who had been turned on by my Cornetto ice cream only a few weeks ago.
I inwardly groan, avoid eye contact and try to step around him. Indigo stares at him, her cheeks blushing.
“Do you sexy ladies have boyfriends, like?” He asks.
“Yes,” we both spit back in unison.
His eyebrows look like caterpillars. He raises them, it makes my stomach turn. He obviously did not recognise me from last time; he said nothing that indicated he remembered his past abusive behaviour.
“Fancy coming out for a drink and some lunch wi’ me ‘n’ ma mate?” He slurs, pointing his knobbly finger, indicating his equally greasy haired ‘mate’.
“No! Eugh,” Indigo cried, clearly disgusted.
“Ah come on baby…just a sandwich…”
His sidekick steps forward, his receding hairline glistening with sweat in the sun. “Yeah…” he snorts, “a sandwich…with us as the bread and you two as the filling,”
The two idiotic pervs guffaw at the seemingly ingenious joke.
Outraged and disgusted, I push past the two and prepare to storm off ahead. But there is an Indigo shaped hole next to me.
I look behind, where she is hitting Perv and his sidekick with her handbag.
Why didn’t I think of that?
After Indigo has finished attacking the two repulsive men, like a scene from old British comedies, she storms past them, links her arm in mine and we march off into the distance, laughing.
“We’ll pay!” Perv shouts into the wind, as if being attacked by a giant green handbag is not obvious enough that he’s getting nowhere.
Indigo and I buy ourselves Cornettos on our way home to celebrate her victory.
It does beg the question though, who ever told this insanely desperate Pervert that harassing girls on the street was a good way to get laid?
Monday, May 14, 2007