Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I'd like to insert you into my mother

A bilingual relationship can be complex. It can create misunderstandings by the dozen, it can cause arguments over whether the word ‘sandwich’ is French or English and it can generate embarrassing moments in front of family members when a Scottish girl says to her French boyfriend’s parents that she would like to insert them into her mother, (‘introduire’ in French means to insert. What I wanted to say was "I’d like to introduce you to my mother").

However, it always adds an element of hilarity to a relationship.

My knowledge of French is nowhere near fluent yet. I can hold a conversation about any subject one so chooses but I often make idiotic mistakes which have the effect of making the French peter de rire, or, in English, laugh their asses off. FP tells me it’s cute; I make the mistakes that a child of five might make. And so that is my level of French – a five year old. A five year old who knows all the naughty words, that is.

FP’s English was as bad as my French when we first met, but now he can talk surprisingly fluently in English, with some mistakes, but once again, they are cute. Sometimes I hope he will never talk perfectly en anglais, because his sweet little mistakes make me smile.

Here are a few I love;

Foot fingers – toes

Make down – to take make up off

Liquid poo – diarrhoea

Chicken flesh – goose pimples

Are you blessed? – are you hurt?

I have ants! – I have pins and needles!


Et mes erreurs en français (and my silly mistakes in French);

Le Reveilleur – Le reveile (English: "waker uper" – alarm clock)

Mon sang fait des boules – j’ai des fourmis (English: "my blood is making bubbles" – I have pins & needles)

Je toujours suis la - Je suis toujours la

Quand FP me visite – quand FP vient me rendre visite
(English: "When FP makes love to me" [except way more vulgar!!] – When FP visits me)

You see? If we spoke the same mother language we would miss out on all this hilarity!

P.S. Mum, please do not be offended...

15 comments:

ColbyPants said...

D'OH!



haha, thats just priceless.

TomC

Princesse Ecossaise said...

hahaha I can't stop laughing at 'liquid poo'!!!

Lis of the North said...

This one raised a smile or deux. Another fave:
je suis chaud (or chaude, for a girl) instead of the correct expression j'ai chaud. The former meaning "I'm turned on", the latter "I'm a bit warm".
They may laugh at our mangling of their language, but we get our revenge when they attempt English :)
Don't worry Princesse, I'm sure your French is way better than you think it is, and once you're back in Frogland it will improve at lightning speed.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

ahaha yes Lis that one is totally correct, I always used to say 'je suis chaude'! People raised eyebrows at me for months before someone finally told me that I was saying I was turned on!!!

T.D. Newton said...

You're really discouraging me from learning another language haha. I am making a half-assed attempt at learning Japanese (via free podcasts from japanesepod101.com) but I've listened to enough Japanese audio via anime and video games to be semi-familiar with some expressions. The weird thing is that I ALWAYS feel self-conscious when I try to SAY something in Japanese. It's the weirdest thing.

This kind of stuff makes your relationship special. Funny, too, of course, but special to the two of you.

"Remember when I used to say 'liquid poo'???"

Jeebus said...

that liquid poo got to me

ColbyPants said...

oh jeebus, the liquid poo attacked you?

Princesse Ecossaise said...

ewwww TOM!!!

TD your learning japanese?! wow, thats impressive. in fact FP speaks Japanese. I tried a Japanese class but it wasn't english to japanese it was French to Japanese and it proved too difficult. I felt like I was stoned sitting in that class. I lasted two hours then I left.

sylvie d said...

HIHIHI...oui oui oui...Mr K declared his love for my mum the first time he met her " je t'aime l'escargot" when all he wanted to say was I like snails....It did break the ice!

Princesse Ecossaise said...

ahahaha thats so adorable!! I bet there were a few red faces!

T.D. Newton said...

Yeah, Japanese seems to be a fun language. I don't know how well it relates to English but I'm sure if you don't know French THAT well then a French-to-Japanese class would be about as fun as throwing a hammer into the air and catching it in your mouth.

I have a great love and respect for Japanese culture and I plan to visit there someday. Maybe I'll make a whole bunch of money with this book-writing and I'll be able to travel a bit.

Zhu said...

I actually keep track of my students mistakes in French. Sometimes it's hard not to laugh...

A student of mine sees the verbe "se soucier" (to worry about, reflexive verb) for the first time. She tries to conjugate :

- "Je souce" ... prononced as "Je suce"

... which means...

:D

Lis of the North said...

I feel the need to add window-licking (lèche-vitrine), the French's rather graphic term for window shopping :))

sylvie d said...

it works both ways of course...I worked for a company based in Newcastle at the very begining of my life in UK and they had some expressions I was keen to utilise...one was "take my bits and bobs" which I translated "I will take my bits and boobs with me...won't be a minute ..." which went all the way up to the MD ears...great way to be credible...

Vari said...

My boyfriend is from strasbourg and also uses liquid poo and chicken skin!!! its priceless...
although my favourite has to be the fact that when he talks in english he says !and stuff" after everything! example.... you wanna go get some food and stuff? nooo i wanna like have a shower n stuuuuff...LOL i have no idea why he does it!