Friday, April 13, 2007

Only Pretending

It has just occurred to me that I am now 21 years old. I am officially an adult. But I don’t feel ready to wear this title.

It’s always been the same. When I was 4 I looked up at the big kids in the oldest class in school who were 12 years old and I thought they were so grown up; so adult-like, so cool. I told myself, when I reach that age, when I am in the primary 7 class, I will definitely be grown up.

Then I moved on to high school and I still didn’t feel grown up. I looked at the 18 year olds and believed that when I reached 18 I would feel like an adult. But even leaving school at 17 and going off to university to live away from my parents didn’t make me feel like a proper, sensible grown up (in fact, I most definitely reverted and became totally un-sensible).

Now, I’m 21. I’m soon to graduate with a diploma, start working, start living a real adult life.

But, I’m just a little girl playing dress up. A little girl wearing her mum’s high heels and pearls, lipstick smudged across my face, big circled rosy cheeks.

Someone tell me; when was the real moment that you felt like an adult? You’re first job? Learning how to drive? Marriage? Kids?

Or perhaps you are like me; that little child prancing around copying what she has seen ‘real’ adults do, only playing, knowing that you are not ready to be given full freedom and responsibility.


Renagu said...

Happy 21! The 20's should be the most fun for most. The little child in you will enjoy the years to come. Adulthood shouldnt' be far behind.

Btw, ty for visiting my blog.

ColbyPants said...

I am 28, I have lived on my own for ten years, I have been married and divorced. But the day I feel like an adult is the day I start feeling old, and i dont want that. I say act like a kid.


Drew said...

Heck, I don't know when I'm going to feel grown up either. Could be that I am 33 and still collect toys.

T.D. Newton said...

Being "adult" is completely subjective, since the term "grown up" implies some semblance of being taller. Becoming an adult probably has something to do with a combination of age, maturity, and responsibility... all those wonderful things your parents used to dangle like impossible carrots because none come easily; only with time.

Sebastien said...

Totally! I always wanted to be an adult when I was younger... now, at 25, I'm happy that I'm still a kid at heart and always will be. The moment you can't find childlike happiness in things, which is true happiness I think, I think that's the moment you lose a huge part of yourself.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

And the lesson learnt from this post is...Stay a kid for as long as you can; adulthood will always be a far off land (and I'm not sure I even wanna go there!) ^_^

ColbyPants said...

who does?

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Maybe...someone boring? Someone who doesn't like toys and games and silliness.

In fact, I know a girl who is my age and ever since I've known her she has been like a grandmother.

I call her granny (not to her face). She takes life so seriously, she wears sensible granny shoes and styles her hair like a granny. She also shakes her finger at me if I have said something naughty or laughed too loud. It's rather odd.

Lis of the North said...

Hi princesse,
I know exactly where you're coming from here.
When you start getting addressed as "madame" in France (it happens when you're about 26) and not "mademoiselle", you think "so am I grown up now?". But you're not!! Well, not me :)
There is a secondary college near my house, and as I go out to work in the morning I see all those kids, and I wonder if they look at me and see a grown up, the same way I saw adults when I was 14... This adult certainly isn't grown up yet, not after eight years living in a different country, a few jobs, a mortgage, being an aunt, getting married... Don't grow up it's only for boring people :)