Monday, April 30, 2007

The One Where I Was Harr-assed

As a reward for actually making it into class on a Monday morning, I bought myself an ice cream cone on the walk home from university. The watery sun was high in the sky, a light breeze blowing my hair back from my face, the birds were singing, people sauntering around in flip flops…It seemed the whole of Edinburgh was on a laid back, lazy summer holiday.

As I strolled along the road at a relaxed pace, I slowly unwrapped the delicious double choc chip Cornetto and my heart skipped a beat as I watched the mouth-wateringly smooth ice cream glisten in the sun. I brought the cone to my lips and tasted the refreshing vanilla and chocolate-y flavour.

As I devoured the ice cream I was totally unaware of what was going on around me. My eyes may have been open but I was too immersed in ice cream pleasure to take in my surroundings.

“Oh baby…you’re turning me on.”


I looked up and to my surprise there stood a man in front of me. His stringy hair dark and so oily it could fry eggs. His face was slimy (that’s a metaphor; it wasn’t literally slimy), and he had a wide grin, baring his disgustingly yellowing teeth. The blue overalls he wore were covered in grime, his eyes glassed over as he wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead with a dirty hand.

I steered my way around the Slime ball and tried to ignore him. Feeling his eyes on me as I walked away, my pace became quicker, and I got the urge to cover up every inch of my body.

“Where ya going baby? Why don’t ya come lick me like you lick that ice cream? I got a nice cone here for ya Blondie. Come on, come and get it!”

What a cheeky perv!

"Nice ass, Blondie!"

Relieved I was in a public area and knowing that I have a great set of lungs which hold a mighty loud scream when provoked, I continued to walk on, away from the Slime ball.

“Aw come on hen, ya know ya want it!” He shouted, now attracting the stares of other pedestrians.

“Oh, go away and f**k a hamster why don’t you?” I hissed. “Pencil Dick.”

“Ahh, ya got fire in yer belly, I like that!”

“Leave me alone.” I said, my voice sounding rather high and squeaky. I marched off angrily, dropping my Cornetto in the nearest bin.

I had lost my appetite.

What sort of pervert says this kind of thing to a random stranger on a busy street? Why attack a young girl who is doing nothing but minding her own business? And more importantly, what is a great comeback to make an unrelenting pervert back off and leave me alone?

Answers on a postcard please, or, even better, in the comments box!

Edit: No hamsters were harmed in the making of this post.


Drew said...

I've heard of people with camera like video cameras and digital cameras turning this back on the perv by turning the camera on them. This may not be advisable as the person may wish to chase after you to get that camera. I've seen this sort of thing on TV shows where the person being harassed turns a video camera on the person who is harassing them and confronts them.

There is no need for that. It is not as if that is a valid way to pick someone up. It is terrible.

I did like your response.

T.D. Newton said...

People are ridiculous.

If it's one thing I've learned about the world its that there's no one way to fight stupidity.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

I re-read my post and realised it wasn't very hamster friendly so let me just say, no hamsters were harmed.

It's not a bad idea actually, to turn the humiliation on the pervs with a camera, but it might encourage some of the worst, they obviously like the spotlight on themselves. And yet, if it were on tv it would name and shame them, thats true. Maybe I should set up a sort of youtube network for naming and shaming thugs and slime ball pervs!

T.D. Newton said...

If they would give their names (or had any shame) that might succeed hahaha.

Sebastien said...

I can't tell you how angry I would be, that is soooo rude and degrading... I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hard to have a good comeback, usually saying nothing is the best, don't want to engage those people in any sort of interaction, just sucks you in all the more...

ColbyPants said...

kick 'em in the nuts!

besides that, alas these kind of people are so gross and dense that there is nothing you can really do except leave.

stupid people,


fp said...

i should have been there with you... i'd have punch his face until no words can go out of his f***in' vile mouth... Lucky man, i wasn't there.

i can't stand this free violence.
Well im sure that if i was with you, he'd say nothing.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

you know Tom, I'm not sure he even had nuts to kick. He was more of a 'all talk and no balls' type of guy!

FP! Mon coeur, violence is never the answer. But, you are right, if you had been there he would never have said anything. You know what that means? Get your sexy ass over to Scotland to look after your girl!

T.D. Newton said...

I disagree that violence is "not always" the answer. It may be a barbaric and incomplete one but sometimes violence is the only way to get things done. Of course, it should never be used as a FIRST option (rather a last one) but it is a viable option.

Violence just means war on a smaller scale. My views on "the necessity of war" should probably have been well documented right now (but perhaps I should reiterate on my own blog).

Hopefully you got some extra views yesterday as I linked this post to a pseudo-similar experience a friend had. This weirdo creepy guy went and bought her clothes because it was raining and she got wet. I have no idea what goes through people's heads to actually authorize this sort of "creepy kindness."

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Jeez, that really is damn creepy...I think with someone who does that, there may be something slightly not right in his head?

Thanks for linking my post, I got some extra views yesterday from a myspace blog, although I couldn't see what was said because it was only available to read for friends. Was that where you posted?

T.D. Newton said...

Yeah, I posted the link in a myspace blog comment. I'm pretty sure she came to read this entry.

I can't believe how many spicypage votes you have. You are Miss Popular, eh?

Princesse Ecossaise said...

I tell you something, half of those Spicypage votes are from people who don't actually come to read the blog!!


The Horns and the Hawk said...

i don't know about over there on the other side of the pond, but here in the states that's sexual harassment (of course, asking a girl you work with out on a date is also potentially sexual harassment), so you could call the cops and he'd at the very least get ticketed. even if he didn't stick around (which is doubtful), the fact that you called them would get him to leave. and if you gave a location, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you or get the phone from him because then he'd have angry police officers on his tail.

the other thing, in this type of situation, is to involve a stranger.

and on the violence issue: it's a method of solving problems, but like all methods, they should only be used when appropriate, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's the last alternative. for example, trying to reason/bargain with hitler would have been no use. at no point, and especially after he began occupying countries.

but this isn't the place for that.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

These days everything is sexual harrassment. Looking at a girl anywhere other than her eyes is probably sexual harrassment.

But yes, this could have been classed as that but you know what? I bet you anything that the police wouldn't have done anything.

Still, I've never seen him again and if I do I think I'll cross the street and avoid eye contact!