Wednesday, April 11, 2007

House of Cards(board)

FP lives in a new apartment. It is modern, clean and stylish as opposed to my old building in Edinburgh which was built in the 1800’s (and has ghosts).

There is only one problem with this apartment. The walls are made of cardboard. Literally.

Every single movement that the neighbours make; we can hear. It honestly sounds as though we are all living in one big apartment together. There is no privacy whatsoever. Inevitably I can not sing in the shower in case the neighbours come knocking asking when the tortured cat will shut up and die.

What’s worse is the fact that FP’s bedroom appears to be situated directly below the bathroom of the man who lives above. I’ve never seen him, but I know it’s a man because only a man could make that much noise when urinating.

Sometimes he pees so long it sounds as though he is running a bath. I assume he drinks a lot.

FP left me to go to work early this morning and I decided to sleep in late. But what did I wake up to at 8.30?

The delightful sound of a long, slow, satisfying fart.


T.D. Newton said...

Wow, that delivery seriously made me laugh out loud. That is only funny because it's not happening to me, though. When I lived in my first apartment my ex-wife used to say that she could hear our second-floor neighbor urinating in the bathroom above ours and it "sounded like he was peeing on her head." Now you know one of the multitudinous reasons why I divorced her.

The Horns and the Hawk said...

basically, this is one of the greatest things i've ever read. particularly the part about the cat suffering punishment.