Once again I was hilarity personified this morning at university.
Regrettably, I am one of those people who can never tell a joke the way a joke is meant to be told. I can never make people laugh with my sharp wit and amusing one-liners. But I do manage to make people chuckle. How? By being the person who always humiliates herself, that’s how.
Yes, I am a girl who attracts bad luck wherever I may go. Embarrassing things happen to me on a daily basis. Birds choose to relieve themselves on me, my shopping bags burst spilling Tampax across the pavement, my skirt gets tucked into my pants and I walk around wondering why people are pointing and whispering.
It is a game the Gods like to play when they are bored…which seems to be more and more often these days. They sit in their godly lazyboy thrones and say “hmmm what kind of humiliation can we inflict on her now?”
“I know, let’s see her slide on a banana skin in front of her boyfriend!” One giggles.
“Let’s laugh as she licks an ice cube and her tongue gets stuck to it!” Another one pipes up.
“No, no we did that one yesterday,” the first one says, “Let’s see that dog try to hump her leg!”
“Look! She's got chewing gum stuck in her hair!”
“Ha! And there's loo roll stuck to her shoe!”
Today the Gods were bored while I was busy in a tutorial in the university computer lab. An open space plan, with around 200 computers, always packed full of students…“of course this is the perfect setting for her to be made a laughing stock out of. 200 people to laugh at her? The more the merrier!” The Gods laugh.
I’d been working hard doing my assignment on the computer when I decide I can take a quick five minute break to e-mail FP. I sneakily glance around me to suss out where the teachers are and then go ahead, typing in the URL.
Two minutes later and I know my teacher is beside me, looking at my screen. I turn to look at him and he is bent down close to my face. Now, I don’t know why, because I knew he was there, but I get a fright. When I turn to look at him he is much closer to me than I expect and I jump up and scream.
A very loud, very noticeable, very girly squeal.
And as I jump back I trip over my bag on the floor and fall flat on my bum. It hurts. I turn a lovely shade of red and my teacher says I burst his ear drum. Hey, at least he didn’t bruise his tail bone.
Meanwhile, up in heaven, the Gods exchange high-fives and guffaw loudly, congratulating each other having once again created a shameful experience for their favourite victim.