Thursday, March 29, 2007

What Became of Betty Beecham (part 2)


We thought she must have died, frozen to death from the icy weather that La Rochelle had that winter.

The next few months we all walked about in a daze, grieving for the disappearance of Betty Beecham. It was a difficult time; she was on everyone’s minds. Even when we had drunken student parties, the night usually ended with a sad and serious conversation about ‘what happened to Betty Beecham?’ Had she died? If so, who found her? How awful must that have been to have found a frozen to death body on the street?

Time passed and I went back to Scotland for a two week Christmas holiday. When I got home, my brother and friends who had come to visit me in France were asking if there was any news of Betty. Her fame had spread across the channel.

The day my flatmates and I flew back to La Rochelle we grabbed our coats and ran down to Monoprix to buy in some petit pois puree and vodka (good staple student diet). She was still nowhere to be seen. I asked a French friend if he had any idea what had happened to her.

He told me that sometimes the homeless in France commit petty crimes when the winter months come around, so that they can get a short stay in prison. Prison provided them with the warmth and food that they needed over these particularly cold months.

Sure enough, one day in March, I was taking a stroll with friends along the harbour when we turned up the road where Monoprix is situated and voila!

Betty Beecham was home!

What was nice was the fact that she looked much better. Healthier, happier, more sane. Her cheeks were rosy, her hair washed and her skin clean.

Someone had given her a sandwich which she chomped on happily, while sharing a bottle of Rose with her friend.

As we approached her, we couldn’t help but stare. It had been so long, she had changed so much; she was wearing different clothes, she had a different aura about her.

All of a sudden, a frothy stream of urine trickles from in between her legs across the pavement.

Gasps are heard from all of my friends as we stare in horror. She looks up at us, her eyes unfocused, and she begins cursing and swearing in her incoherent language.

After a long absence, our Betty Beecham was back.


ColbyPants said...

I was going to relate a fascinating story about a homeless person I knew in Boston, MA. (And tell you that the homeless in major US Northern Metropilis have been using the same petty crime technique for shelter for years). But instead I am going to relate to you the unbridled joy that came forth from me, when I, all on my own, figured out that Monoprix was a supermarket!

Yay ME!

Princesse Ecossaise said...

haha! tres bien Tom bravo! And how did you manage to work that out all by yourself? The picture didn't help?

Yay YOU!

ColbyPants said...

I figured it out yesterday before the pick, but the picture reminded me of my joy in discovery.

Princesse Ecossaise said...

You are a clever cookie!

Since you are indeed such a clever cookie, tell me, cause I'm curious, what's the time difference between Scotland and America?

ColbyPants said...

a lot of stuff I can figure,

about 3,715,281 square miles and 295 million to start.

Wow scotland is small! The state I was born in, Massahcusetts, has 1,287,086 more people than all of Scotland, and there are 12 states in this country with more people in it than Massachusetts.

So I guess the biggest difference is SIZE.

ColbyPants said...

295 million more people, I meant

Princesse Ecossaise said...

Scotland IS small!! I like that fact. I am a minority! Also, being blonde I am 1% of the population of the entire world. Thats cool too.

You know one time I was on holiday in California and I made a friend and when he asked me where I come from he had never ever heard of Scotland! Not even heard of the Loch Ness Monster! Still, when that handsome fellow Mel Gibson played William Wallace in a kilt, it definitley put us on the map.

ColbyPants said...

hmmmmm I will be nice and not comment on Mr Gibson. I want to see loch ness someday, and go to a bunch of scotch distilleries. haha


ColbyPants said...

so yeah I posted all the nifty facts I found out looking up the time difference and never did the actually difference. From where I live Scotland is +5 hours, but I live in the Easternmost US time zone. For example our pal Jeebus at the Beaner Blog lives in LA California and is 3 hours behind me (while still being in the US) which makes you +8 hours to him.